He has to spit

He has to spit
Two merchants from a small town came to Warsaw. Walking through the beautiful streets of the city, meet beautiful women every step of the way. One of them is still delighted, and the other spits at each such encounter.
- Do you dislike Warsaw women so much?? asks the first.
- On the contrary!—he replies.—Only whenever I look at a beautiful woman, I remember my disgusting wife, which I left at home and must spit…

She bit her tongue
An excellent Jewish mocker, Motke Chabad, he confides in his friend about his great worry:
“My wife has become dangerously ill? I fear for her life.
"What happened to her?"?
She bit her tongue.
"I don't see anything dangerous about it.".
"Because you don't know my wife," replies Motke. “Her tongue is full of poison.

Rarely and - too often
“My wife kisses me very seldom.
- And my wife, on the contrary, he kisses me every time, when she needs money,

No oath…
"I could have sworn.", that if I died today, you would be getting married for the second time in a month.
"Don't swear," replies the husband. "I always believe you without oath.".

So bad - and so bad
"Something terrible is happening to my husband.". Whenever he feels unwell, he drinks a few glasses of vodka, and whenever he drinks a few shots of vodka, he feels sick.

It's so simple!
At the wedding of a mismatched couple, someone was surprised:
"I can't understand why this young girl is marrying this old man."! Sometimes, that the girl is marrying an old rabbi. I understand that: wants to be a rabbi. Sometimes, that the young lady takes the old doctor. Also understandable: she wants to be a doctor. But what could have prompted this young girl, to marry this old man, who is neither a rabbi, not even a doctor, just a rich widower?
"What can't you understand, you fool."? She has a great desire to become a rich widow.