Dating jokes
– It's called a lasting relationship, says Bartek. We're celebrating our first anniversary soon.
– With Ania or Ewa? Cuba asks.
* * *
Young, modest girl buys underwear.
– Can you embroider a sentence on the bra and panties?: “If you can read this, you're way too close”? – he asks the seller.
– Of course. What letters should it be embroidered with??
– Braille.
* * *
– We've been sitting in the cinema for so long and we haven't even kissed – boy says to girl.
– But I made you ice cream for that.
– Me?!
* * *
– I would like to ask for your daughter's hand – says the boy to his future father-in-law.
– You don't have yours? – the girl's father asks jokingly.
– Mam, but she's a little tired.
* * *
HAPPY to find out, that your girlfriend doesn't have an aversion to pornographic movies.
It's unfortunate to discover it, that she actually starred in some of them.
* * *
– When you're getting married to your girlfriend?
– I would like to, if not for her family.
– Her family?
– So. Husband and three children.
* * *
* * *
– You remind me of a famous movie star.
– Really? Which?
– Lassie.
* * *
– I am telling you, Also, I've never been happier – Hank told her friend. – I have two friends. One of them is just great! Handsome, sensitive, protective, caring.
– What's the other for? – asked Patricia.
– Oh – Hank replied. – The second is simple.
* * *
A couple tired of sex lies in a bed in a dormitory.
– Finally it happened – the girl says to herself. – I'm no longer a virgin.
– You want to say, that you lost your virginity to me? – the boy asks.
– I waited, to lose them to a man, whom I will love.
– You really love me?
– but no – the girl replies. – I just got tired of waiting.
* * *
A handsome guy walked into his favorite Ritz restaurant. When he sat down, he noticed a gorgeous woman at the next table. He called the waiter and asked for a bottle of the most expensive wine to be brought to her. He knew, that if she takes the wine, it will belong to him. The waiter brought the wine to the girl, saying, it's from this guy. She looked at the wine and decided to send the guy a message:
– For me to accept this wine, you must have a Mercedes in the garage, million in the bank and 20 inches in pants.
The man, after reading the message, sent a waiter to her with a reply:
– You know, I have a Ferrari Testaros in my garage, BMW 850iL and Mercedes 560SEL and I have 20 million in the bank. But even for a beautiful woman like you, I won't cut my hair 10 centimeters.
* * *
The girl invited her fiancé to her house. After dinner, her mother asked her father, to find out about his daughter's chosen one. The father took the fiancé to the office for an interview.
– What are you doing young man? – he asked.
– I study the bible – he heard in response.
– That's admirable, but how will you provide my daughter with a home?
– I will study – answered the young man. – And God will give it to us.
– And for what will you buy her an engagement ring?
– I will focus on my studies, and God will arrange it for us.
– And children? How will you help them?
– Please do not worry, God will help us.
For every question, the father heard the answer, that God will sort it out.
– And how did it go? – the mother of the husband's girlfriend asked, when they were alone.
– No work and no plans – father replied. – And thoughts, that I am God.
* * *
The lake was silver from the moon, and its waves crashing on the shore were no less intense than the waves of passion on the shore. The couple stayed long enough, for the young man to whisper:
– Sweetheart, am i the first man, with whom you make love?
– Of course, that yes – replied the girl in a more than annoyed tone. – And also the best. I don't know why all men ask the same ridiculous questions.