Jokes about women
– Mom, you are white, dad is white, that's why i'm black?
– son, the party was like this; be happy, that you don't bark.
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– What would you rather give up?, from wine, or from women? – asks a French friend.
– It depends on the vintage.
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– doctor, I still miss sex – the patient complains.
– How often do you and your husband do this??
– At least three times a day.
– And that's not enough for you?
– So. And my husband can't.
– Then find yourself a lover.
– I have a lover. With him, I do it five times a day.
– And you're still not enough?
– So.
– Then find yourself another lover.
– I have a second and a third.
– And you are still not enough?!
– So.
– You must be really sick.
– Exactly. Please give it to me in writing, doctor, because my husband says, that I am k…a.
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* * *
– Zosia is very shy.
– Why do you think so?
– She already has two children, and she's still a virgin.
* * *
– you are a virgin?
– Not! And I never will!
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– What older women have between their breasts, what the younger ones don't have?
– Belly button.
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If you want, make your wife listen to you attentively, not to miss a single word – talk in your sleep.
* * *
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was clinically dead.
– Has my time come?? – she asked, when she saw God.
– Not, you have another one 43 years, 2 months and 11 days of life – answered the Supreme.
When she came back to life, stayed longer in the hospital, to do a facelift and liposuction. She even changed her hairstyle and hair color. Because she still had a lot of life ahead of her, she could also realize many other plans of hers. However, when she left the hospital and on her way home, she crossed the street, died under the wheels of a car.
– you said, that I have another 43 years! – she said bitterly, when she stood before God. – Then why did you take me??
– I did not recognize you – God answered.
* * *
– I left my panties there? – young pretty woman is calling the gynecologist.
– Not, there are no panties here.
– I'm sorry. I'll call the dentist.
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– How to defend yourself against AIDS? – the girl asks her friend.
– Remain seated and keep your mouth shut.
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– Who fucked my wife? – asks a guy walking into a bar with a revolver.
– boy, you don't have enough ammo – a voice from the back of the bar answers him.
* * *
The beggar approached a well-dressed woman near a well-known boutique and addressed her: I ate nothing for four days.
She looked at him and replied: God, I wish I had your willpower.
* * *
– Which means, if the woman is in the kitchen?
– Means, that everything is fine.
– And if it's in the hall?
– Meaning, the chain is too long.
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– What cake reduces a woman's sex drive o 90%?
– Her wedding cake.
* * *
Why beer is better than women?
you always know, are you the first, who opens the beer.
Beer is never jealous, when you take another beer.
Beer doesn't get angry, when you show up smelling of a different beer.
The colder the beer, the better.
You can always share a beer with your buddies.
Beer doesn't get mad, when you come back 3 in the morning.
You can take beer from the crate, and if you change your mind, you can choose other.
* * *
Two women are sitting in a restaurant – gruba i chuda.
– Men prefer skinny women – says skinny.
– Really? Your boyfriend told you that? – the fat one asks.
– Not, your boyfriend told me that – replies skinny.