Jokes about children
– Please 50 condoms! – little Hansel turns to the pharmacist.
– boy, firstly, such things are requested discreetly, in an undertone, and not so, that everyone hears – Jasia is taught by the master. – Secondly, dad should come alone, and third, what size should it be?
– Firstly – answers Hansel – In kindergarten, we are told to speak loud and clear. – Secondly, it's not for dad, just for mom. And third, Mom goes to the sanatorium and needs different sizes.
* * *
A little girl sits on her grandfather's lap and looks at the wrinkles on his face. He touches them with his fingers. Then she reaches for her own face and seems very surprised.
– Grandpa, did God create you??
– So, Kasia. But it was a lot, many years ago.
– And He made me too?
– So, but it wasn't that long ago.
– I have to give it to my grandfather, that now God is doing his job much better.
* * *
* * *
A little girl watched her mother washing dishes in the sink. Suddenly, among her dark hair, she noticed a few gray ones.
– Why is your hair white? – she asked curiously.
– You see my daughter… whenever, when you're naughty or disobedient and I cry because of you, one of my hairs is turning white.
The girl thought.
– Mom, and why ALL grandma's hair is white?
* * *
Jasia's school friend told him, that most adults have at least one dark secret, so it's easy to blackmail them. Suffice it to say: “I know the whole truth”. When Jaś returned home, he decided to try it out.
– I know the whole truth – he told his mother.
– Just don't tell your father – mother asked and gave it to him 50 zlotys.
Satisfied Jaś could not wait, when dad comes home from work.
– I know the whole truth – he said, as soon as my father came to the door.
– Don't say anything to your mother – answered the father and gave it to him 100 zloty.
The next day, Jaś left for school very happy. He met the postman at the gate.
– I know the whole truth – he said.
– Come give daddy a hug – answered the postman, dropping the bag and extending his hands to Jaś.
* * *
Hansel enters his father's bedroom and sees him putting on a condom. Father, trying to hide it, bends down, like looking under the bed.
– What are you doing, this? – Hansel asks.
– It seemed to me, a mouse got under the bed – father says quickly.
– And what? You're gonna fuck her?
* * *
– Johnny, why weren't you at school yesterday? – you ask.
– Because my dad died.
– How did this happen?
– He hammered a nail and hit his finger with a hammer.
– You're doing something Jase – you say. – He couldn't die from it.
– Not from this. But he was screaming, we had to beat him.
* * *
You got an A in math.
– What for? – father asks.
– Because this lady is stupid.
– How stupid?
– No, because she asked me, what is two times three.
– And what did you answer?
– I said, that six.
– You said it right.
– I know, this. And then she asked, how much is three times two.
– It's one dick!
– That's what I told her.
* * *
Two little boys came to the pharmacy. The elder asked for a pack of tampons.
– How old are you, little boy? – asked the pharmacist.
– Eight.
– You know what tampons are used for? – she kept asking.
– Not really. But it's not for me. It's for my little brother. We saw on TV, how to use tampons, you can swim and ride a bike, and he's four years old and he doesn't know it yet.
* * *
– Johnny, you will play with me? – asks Małgosia in kindergarten.
– I don't hang out with whores.
– you want a virgin, then go to the nursery.
* * *
A little girl peeks through her parents' keyhole in the bedroom.
– And they want to send me to a psychologist, because I suck my thumb…
* * *
– Today's lesson will be about that, where do babies come from – says the teacher.
– And those who have already smoked can go out for a pipe? – Jasiu asks in a bored voice.
* * *
The children were playing with blocks, until mother does… she drained the water.