Fairy tales and myths
– Where are you going Little Red Riding Hood?
– To grandmother.
– You have a hundred here, take it for me.
* * *
– And we're still waiting for a kiss… – said the beautiful prince as he climbed down from Sleeping Beauty.
* * *
When the wolf swallowed grandma, he disguised himself as her. He put on her nightgown, cap, glasses and went to bed with her. Because how could he know, that from grandfather still such a rooster…
* * *
When Little Red Riding Hood came to Grandma's, found her in bed.
– Grandma, why do you have such big eyes?
– To see you better, Little Red Riding Hood.
– And why do you have such big ears?
– To hear you better, my child.
– And why do you have such a big mouth?
– Have you seen how big your grandfather is??
* * *
How Oedipus quarreled with Sisyphus…
Oedipus: “Hey, you, Rolling Stones!”
Syzyph: “Hey, you, mother fucker!”
* * *
The dwarves watch Orphan Marysia undressing. They made a pyramid. The dwarf at the top of the pyramid looks through the keyhole and tells what he sees:
– She takes off her dress…
– She takes off her dress… takes off her dress… takes off her dress… – they pass the dwarves one by one down the pyramid.
– She takes off her bra…
– She takes off her bra… takes off her bra… takes off her bra…
– She takes off her panties…
– She takes off her panties… takes off her panties… takes off her panties…
– Standing.
– Me too… me too… me too…
* * *
In a small quiet town, out of nowhere, a terrible dragon appeared. He began to terrorize the townspeople by demanding a virgin every day. The inhabitants, desiring peace, fulfilled his demands, but in the end there were no virgins. So the city councilors turned to the Great Knight for help. The Great Knight listened to them, assessed the situation and concluded, that he needs a month to prepare for the battle with the terrible dragon.
– What about this month? – the councilors were worried – after all, the dragon will manage to burn the whole city.
Worried, they went to ask the Middle Knight for help. He listened attentively and concluded, it needs two months, to prepare for the fight with the dragon. The councilors were desperate. However, they did not lose hope and turned to the Little Knight with their problem. Little Knight, as soon as he heard what it was about, he immediately ordered the squire to give him his armor and, putting it on, jumped on his horse.
– How brave and brave you are, Little Knight – the councilors praised him – The big knight needed a month, Medium Knight of two months, and you mount the mount without waiting for anything!
– There's no need to wait here – replied the Little Knight – you need to f*** up here.
* * *
* * *
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the forest to her grandmother. Suddenly, a large fox jumped out of the bushes.
– I will eat you, Little Red Riding Hood!
– All right, but you have to please me first.
– It was good? – asked the fox, stepping down from Little Red Riding Hood.
– Still! – replied the girl.
– Senile?
– Still!
After a dozen times with the insatiable Little Red Riding Hood, the fox fell dead. Little Red Riding Hood moved on. A few hundred meters further he met a wolf.
– I will eat you, Little Red Riding Hood!
– All right, but you have to please me first.
– It was good? – asked the wolf.
– Still! – replied the girl.
– Senile?
– Still!
After several times the wolf fell dead. Little Red Riding Hood went on. After walking a few dozen meters, he met a bear.
– I will eat you, Little Red Riding Hood!
– All right, but you have to please me first.
– It was good? – asked the bear.
– Little! – replied the girl.
– Senile?
– Still!
After several times, the bear fell dead.
– What is the moral of this story?
– Let the f*ck into the woods, it will exterminate the animals.
* * *
The wolf ate grandma, changed into her nightgown, he went to her bed and waited for Little Red Riding Hood.
Because how could he know, that there is still such a rooster from grandpa…
* * *
Behind the seven woods… beyond seven rivers… behind the seven mountains was a palace, and a beautiful princess inside. One day the princess went out onto the terrace, she looked around and said:
– Damn, how far away i am from everywhere…
* * *
– Behind the seven mountains, behind seven woods, across the seven rivers was a palace, and the wonders in it – grandma tells a story.
– Grandma, it wasn't a palace – grandson says. – It was a brothel.
* * *
A dwarf drove up to the gas station in his tiny car.
– A drop of gasoline, please – he asked the employee.
– And he can still fart in the tires? – he heard a mocking reply.
* * *
The drunk caught a goldfish. The fish asks him:
– Let me go, I will grant you three wishes.
– All right – says the drunkard – it's a fish thing, that the water in this river turned into vodka.
– I already did – replied the fish.
The drunkard tries – indeed vodka…
– You have two more wishes – resembles a fish.
– Make a fish, that all the waters of the earth be turned into vodka.
– I already did, says the fish.
The delighted drunkard took a drink from a nearby pond – vodka, from a puddle – vodka.
– You have one more wish left…
Thinking drunkard… thinks…
– Give me another half a liter and fuck off.
* * *
A dwarf comes to the shop:
– How much does a drop of alcohol cost?
– Thread.
– Give me a liter, please.
* * *
Little Red Riding Hood is walking through the forest. Suddenly she is surrounded by 40 Alibaba's thieves. Alibaba comes up to Red Hood and asks with a lewd smile:
– And you, Little Red Riding Hood, you're not afraid to walk alone in the woods…?
– Not – Red Riding Hood answers – because I have no money, and I like banging.
* * *
Little Red Riding Hood met a wolf in the forest:
– wolf, why do you have such big eyes?
– Sp*** also, you do not see, that I shit!